It means that I can't say anything.I know what I wanted to say. I had Spanish that sang my thoughts, my feelings. But it has evaporated, melted away and would only be insincere now, which I just cannot do. I hope tomorrow can be better.
I looked quickly for a picture that would detract me. Nothing, until I saw this from 21st July, high above 24 de Julho. Another time, another world. I like this collection of colours.
But the truth is, we are both demoralised. She sleeps so much now, responds so little. The silence screams.
I found some comfort 2 hours ago when I was feeding her water through a syringe, which is the only way now possible to get anything into her....she is wasting away, legs so thin, muscles becoming useless.
But she knew it was me, from her far-away & in that 98% sleep state, she made an effort to turn her head just a little towards me, twice. It wasenough for me, after a day of nothing. Nothing from outside but useless bla-bla-bla, pathetic attitudes and - as ever - zero action.
Burkina Faso with white people.
Mother, don't just lie there. Say something, please.
Mother, don't just lie there. SAY SOMETHING, PLEASE!
7 comments:
lo que puede el sentimiento no lo ha podido el saber,
ni el más claro proceder ni el más ancho pensamiento,
todo lo cambia el momento cual mago condescendiente,
nos aleja dulcemente de rencores y violencias
sólo el amor con su ciencia
nos vuelve tan inocentes
(Volver a los 17)
Je suis revenu. Je viens de la lire. Je suis complètement ....j'ai pas, ébloui. Porquoi? Parce que dès le moment que j'ai publié la photo "Do you remember when YOU were 16?", il y a (à peine!)2 semaines le 8 de Agosto, cette chanson a été presque toujours dans ma cabeça!!
Asi seguimos andando........XXX
The tears come to my eyes too reading this
Hang in there S.! In these terrible times we find out that we are much stronger than we've ever dreamed.
a big hug to you and your wife
Joana
Reading your daily updates here and elsewhere I feel like I'm watching -- almost experiencing -- something holy -- not just her slow and stately progression from this life to the next, but your actions, sitting by her bedside, gently and devotedly tending to her moment by momentn - it's practically Biblical in its beauty and spiritual meaning.
3.45 pm. It was decided I should come back & do some urgent work, after 3 hours at the....public hospital. I read these comments & felt their support shining through the screen. What Iwrote last nightwas really to myself, but is there for anyone to read, because weare far past any need or point for much self-censorship. As I've already written, whatever I feel and whatever I do pales besides Leonor's last real next of kin.
Late a few nights ago, I wrote about my cousin's & my 'special' abilities with regard to the matter of spritual connectivity. Frances. The writing was eaten by Blogger. my cousin 'received' the power to heal with herhands after herbrother, aged 21, was killed in a road accident. The experience initially terified her, until she was made to understand what was happening. Since, she has used the gift to do good for the sick, asking nothing in return. She has alsobeen useful in explaining to me very calmly the only extraordinary spirit experience I have had so far that actually didn't feel benign. All the many others have been warming, reassuring,empowering, enriching. Last night was sentient, but without any tangible change. This morning, on waking, it was still there. A bad prescience. Ana phoned me at 9.30 to say that Leonor's breathing had changed, the rattle wasawarning of possible oedema in the lung, but atleast infection and that we had to call the ambulance.
And that's what happened. I ran round to the hospital (only one allowed to accompany on board) and was there in time to see as they carried her out on the stretcher, Leonor's eyes fully open for the first time since...since...at least Saturday lunchtime. She looked at me, I don't know if she saw me, I kissed her, reassured her and they closed again.
Tests, x-rays. What's happening? We'll see. She does not want to be there, for sure. The last time we saw her, she was lying in the same place (which used to be a waiting area) where both her husband and her son died. We are calm for now. Will she get back to her own home again before this ends? I'm glad for this opportunity to write. I want to say that as much as I, we dearly & so strongly appreciate knowing that people like you are out there, I am not writing this for anyone butme. You are so welcome to stay, but if it is too strong, I will understand. I don't want to cause anyone to be hurt with this saga, if you understand me.
More later.........
I feel for you I know what it is in the portuguese hospitals, coridors filled with elderly and we are part of europe!
I was in holland when my father went to hospital in an ambulance what a difference.
I could telephone with a phone of the hospital because was not allowed mobile they ask if you want coffee then the dutch complain, well I told them!
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