It is the REAL end.
It has to be.
The music went first. Then the poetry. But then photography came.
Now that has gone, along with the writing, the escape, the brain.
Presume nothing. It is even worse than it may seem.
I owe many people so much that cannot be repaid, because of this "Time & A Word".
But it is just one more thing that I can no longer do, or be part of, so much have I disintegrated these past few weeks.
I have a close friend who keeps telling me that I am a survivor. That is because she can't face hearing me, or seeing how it has all been tearing chunks off me for too long, but faster & faster, like the pull of gravity.
"The Flames of Eden" has to be the most appropriate place to end and bring the curtain down. That is where I will try to explain more, for any one who is wondering, for those who are concerned, for everyone still around who matters and deserves an explanation.
It is sheer horror. I know full well who I have been. I have tried to give my best in return for all the salvation, support, marvels that this medium has brought me from the earliest days. It started as an attempt to help me adapt to an immense change in my life, 14 months ago.
Ultimately, it cannot be enough, as I suspect that all of you who are in greater or lesser extents of personal difficulties, know.
Yes, I've threatened it before over the past 11 months. But this is now, and I can really no longer be even an invisible presence on your places, when I can't write a comment, or an e-mail, because I have lost my articulacy, my sensem my will, my strongest defences aginst the horror that is happening, which has no alternative.
This must all seem terrible. I make no apologies. Presume nothing; this is MY life, nobody else's.
At the start of this week, I needed to check in my archives all of those posts about the homeless man from December 10th last year, for a friend in Northern Ireland.
The biggest shock,- the opposite of a serendipity - was that I realised instantly just how much I have changed since Christmas, particularly since February.
These past 3 weeks have seen an even more rapid change.
I am empty. For that, the blue sunsets.
But also, something I took one evening last week - blue - that has become a kind of signature-photo: the single pigeon over the blue boat, on the blue, darkening river.
Please check in "The Flames" for my valediction.
Be well, look after yourselves very well. Better than I look after myself.