Ramos da Silva, 2 July 1920 -4 September 2006.It ended at 5.40 pm this afternoon.
Expected and yet, in the way it ended and when it ended, totally unexpected.
I am posting the first of these two photos because it reminds me of the last time I saw her yesterday. For the first time in all these weeks, after the "Night-Night", I turned, looked at her and waved strongly. And she took her hand out from under the sheet and waved back.
The second picture is something I have been saving for when this happened.
It has been standing at the foot of her bed on the dressing table, along with two other enlarged prints of mine that I have posted in Lisbon-Looks earlier. I found them a few weeks ago when I was cleaning her bedroom and arranged them for her to see. The picture that stood out was this one. It was the last thing she saw when she was taken out of the room on 23rd August.
There is one last thing I want to say. There is a certain immature, insensitive sub-human out there who can do no better than accuse me of writing this blog in the past three weeks as if it were a cheap Portuguese soap opera, to win sympathy for my suffering instead of concentrating on "Art", like he does (really?).
Those of you who have followed this story I believe understand what it has been about. I have written several times that I am not suffering, therefore I need no sympathy. I have needed to write it, that is all, for me. But I have gained strength from your understanding and support to us in this situation. you have not been forced to follow this real drama. He should be wholly ashamed of his pathetic accusations.
If you wish to comment, I ask you only one question: Has this been about suffering? Or has it been about a love story, as I feel it?
I never wish bad on anyone, but his manner of treating my announcement of Leonor's death has gone too low, too far. If there is such a place as hell, then may he rot in it for what he has done to me tonight and before.
And may Leonor rest in peace.
17 comments:
en ningun minuto ha sido una exposición penosa. Tú has compartido con nosotros un momento único y especial en tu vida. Aquí no hay preguntas ni acusaciones que tengan lugar.
Aquí hay un gran abrazo y canciones por cantar :)
alguna en especial que a Leonor le gustara?
I'm the friend who mumbles when someone important passes away becuase I don't know what to say, except I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know if this was a good journey for you or a bad one, but at least you had time to say goodbye to her, and I hope that was good. And as for the other matter, it's your blog, you do what you want with it. We come back because we are interested in what you're doing/thinking, and we like your blog.
I'm sure someone else will say more sussinctly what I mean. I hope you stay HERE, but if you go elsewhere, at least leave us a forwarding address.
Thank you friends,
Pilar, it is strange you ask me that question. One day 2 months ago, I arrived in their house, when Leonor was still quite mobile, but the Alzheimer's was having worse effects than the lymphoma. She could be very difficult particularly at night, with pesadelos/nighmares. That lunchtime, I told her that I had been listening to an old Portuguese song, fado-type and started singing it. Iwas astonished when she also started singing it,very well. So we sang it together. It is a memopry that has been with me all the time since. i thought about it earlier this morning. I am not sure of the title, but the opening line is
"O Laurindinha,
Vem à janela (x2)".
Wealso sang another fado, of Amalia Rodrigues, called "Povo que Lavas no Rio".
There will be the funeral this afternoon at 4 pm. It will be 38º/100ºF......
hola precioso paisaje la paloma no queria salir en la foto un saludo
For me your stories of Leonor have shown the beauty of your relashionship with her.
It is wonderful to have known such a woman, that is what I read in between the lines!!!!
My dear Stewart, I feel fortunate to have come across your blog, for getting to know your pictures and for sharing a little bit of your plight your your beloved Leonor. Human suffering can be an overwhelming thing. TV has banalised it, so there are people who are simply bored by it if they don't experience first hand. Those are the people who go screaming and crying down the street when their car breaks down or their finger gets stuck in a door. Where are those comments posted? I'd like to read them sometime. As meg said, the blog is yours, and we visit it because we like it, and that's that. May Leonor rest in peace and may you get some rest and peace too.
Stewart,
Like Meg Nakagawa, I usually (always) don't know what to say. I'm glad you said goodbye.
May Leonor rest in peace.
Godbless and my deepest condolences.
(38º!!?? ufff...) well... say goodbye is a li'l lighter if you have the songs, the souvenirs, the images. en plus, le corps n'est qu'une partie de tout ce qu'on est, n'est-ce pas?
j'ai pensé à la musique, aux chansons parce que tu comuniques beaucoup avec :)
This is a kind of proxy for Jenny, who is having such difficulties in posting & receiving comments.
Her post today says it all. You can read it there.
Jenny is at http://sharondailyphoto.blogspot.com/
I am too tired to say anymore, but tho long hot day went well, attended by a lot of good people.
I managed to throw in the photo of agapanthus and lantana that was my birthday present 2 months ago. It arrived in the right place about one second before the earth covered buried it.
Perfect.
Ana held up very well, supported by a large number of friends, who did a great job.
So, where 2 next?
As I see it this is a love blog. For life, for beauty, for Leonor. Thanks for sharing your love with us.
It's your blog and you write whatever you want -people are not forced to come here.Most people come here because they like your blog, at least I do.
As the time went on, I started to care about Leonor,Ana and you...I really did and do.
About the so called "Artist",the portuguese scientist Abel Salazar once said : O médico que só sabe de Medicina, nem de medicina sabe.
And in this case:O artista que so sabe de Arte, nem de arte sabe.
Creio que uma pessoa muio querida para ti,desapareceu.Se fosses da minha idade,dir-te-ia que ver partir oa amigos que partilharam connosco a nossa vida. as nossas alegrias. as nossas tristezas, é um tributo que a velhice paga.E é uma das coisas mais tristes da velhice.
Mas afinal, parece que também os que não são tão velhos, estão condenados a ver partir os que amam
Espero que a Leonor tenha tido uma vida linda e que possas recorda-la sempre como a mais encantadora das
amigas.
I read your post on Flames Of Eden and felt compelled to come back here. This happened before we "met" and although you had directed me here in the past I hadn't read it again since Mick passed. So much has happened to both our lives since this day....Leonor and Mick are now both at peace, free from the pain and suffering they both bore...may you and I each somehow? find our own peace in the land of the living....I know it's what the both would have wished for us.
With Love
Ruth
XXXXX
Ruth, that was a beautiful sentiment, posting your comment here. And it drew me back in here, to read that post again, and all the comments. I had forgotten the bstarad who used to be my friend & what he did that day (via e-mails)and what he had in store for me a few weeks later, when I would not respond to his jealousy and insecurity that blinded him from seeeing what he had done. So he did even worse. The Portuguese have a rare propensity for vengefulness (there is plenty of evidence re- the McCanns, who are entirely vulnerable to it, as they don't understand them, or their society). Hard to trust anyone, as they can smile at you, but carry sharp daggers behind their backs.
I had also forgotten about the photos I threw into the grave. Nice touch,eh?
That was the mission that brought me here, completed. I knew that I would then have to pay the price. Oh, how I am paying. Last night, at 7 pm, we went to the church, as Ana had set up a mass. Though the Catholic church scares me, and holds nothnig for me, I respect it. Ana isn't religious either, but it's right she does it for her mother. I listened to the weak, obscure, childish mumbo-jumbo, but most of all, i breathed in the atmosphoere. That is what I can appreciate, if I don't look at the appalling image of the crucifixion dominating everything. I have always found it so sinister, so horrifying that I will never be able to understand how people take any comfort from such a violent depiction. As Patti Smith sang: "Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine". Exactly.
I don't see how this can all go on like this much longer. It is unsustainable, as well as unbearable. August has gone, they've all had their holidays. but us, who need them more than most, have been nowhere. Do you understand Groundhog Day? Did you see that film?
I hope Sudbury works out for you. I'ver been thinking about it more. You aren't an idiot, so you should have no problem being really stimulated and invigorated from Eng lit. & the environment. One first tip: be organised and disciplined in studying. It's a key trick. And as I spent so long teaching study skills to foreigners, I must be able tohelp you some way. Actually, study skills is something that would be good for you to look at before you start. Pay Attention & Don't Slouch, Jenner!!! LOL. It's a great move in the right direction. Well done! Many thanks, much love again.
SXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I too love the atmosphere of a church/cathedral but have always since a child visiting St Peters wondered at the riches the churches (RC especially) contain yet there were children begging on the streets!
Oh yes Groundhog Day!...I said exactly the same thing only two days ago.....same thoughts yet again!
I could almost hear your voice (I wonder if it's anything like I imagine) shouting "Don't Slouch Jenner"...sorry Sir but it made me laugh :o) I think my biggest problem will be focusing....I'm very apt to wander (both physically and mentally) at the moment....I who could do 6 things at once and still be working out tomorrows menu now struggle to do one simple task. Panic attacks; struggling to breathe....So many classic symptons of depression....at least I realise it though so that must mean something. I really feel I lost ME when I lost Mick.
Enough!!! Groundhog Day ended happily didn't it??? There's hope for us yet :o)
You must make it your mission to give me a swift kick up the Arris (strange place to hide a tapestry)if I start slacking.
Right I'm off to bed...hope your throat feels better soon
Much Love
RXXXXXXXX
p.s. I've seen the photos...you're no gargoyle.
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